


My Pillow was the Thought of You

by anisstaranise



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 15:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2552072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anisstaranise/pseuds/anisstaranise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Distance between Lima and Westerville were always there and while they did not choose to have those 88 miles between them- both bound by school and familial ordinance, the 535 miles that was about to separate them was a choice- Sebastian’s choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Pillow was the Thought of You

**Author's Note:**

> For Zalea and Fred, two of my best friends- who are living proof that when two people love hard and work hard at it, no distance can come between them.
> 
> Title taken from Zee Avi's "31 Days"
> 
> Written in conjunction with Seblaine Sunday Challenge: Long Distance.

Approximately 88 miles spanned between them; the length of space between Lima and Westerville. Yes, the distance was there _physically_ , but they never let it get in their way.

Weekends were devoted to closing the gap between them. Either one would hop on the bus travelling southeast right into his boyfriend’s arms, or the other would drive his trusted sedan- a Sweet Sixteen gift, to the city in Allen County where his heart resided.

Before Sebastian Smythe and Blaine Anderson fell in love, there was a different kind of distance between them. Their first encounter sparked an instantaneous attraction (although Blaine was spoken for at the time) and they easily became friends. However, petty show choir rivalry and a foolish prank-gone-wrong created a void so massive that the abyss swallowed their friendship.

It wasn’t until another prank was staged- this time in the harmless form of a stolen trophy, that a bridge began to form between the two again. That bridge then led to a familiar path of talking over coffee and late night phone calls- the past hurt forgiven and a new foundation of trust was laid.

In time, their efforts at re-establishing a friendship began to fill the void. And with all the effortless conversations and quiet dreams told in confidence, they began to fall into a different kind of chasm- a not-at-all unpleasant one; they fell in love.

\--

New York was part of their plans of a future together; going off to college and finally getting to _be_ together in the same city was their dream. They yearned to finally not have those 88 miles between them, but now, as they sat in a tiny cafe tucked in a corner of Westerville, Sebastian’s heart deflated as reality hit him that their dream will not come to fruition.

Sebastian looked down forlornly at the acceptance letter on the table. He couldn’t look at Blaine. He hated that he was the reason that they wouldn’t get to live out their New York dream together. His heart racked wildly in his chest when he realized that now, instead of 88 miles, there will be approximately 535 miles between them.

Distance was not a foreign concept to them but somehow, Sebastian felt the miles between Columbus and New York City would be significantly different. While they did not choose to have those 88 miles between them- both bound by school and familial ordinance, the 535 miles that was about to separate them _was_ a choice- Sebastian’s choice.

“Hey.” Blaine cooed softly as he grabbed Sebastian’s hands across the table. “You know I would rather you do what you love than to do something just because your father told you to, right? I would rather that, even if it means we’ll be in two different states.”

Sebastian looked up to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. Blaine was looking at him with big, doe eyes emanating with love. Any doubt about his choice and fear of disappointing Blaine slowly seeped away as he looked into those eyes- Blaine trusted him, wanted the best for him.

Earlier in his senior year of high school, Sebastian had made up his mind that he wanted to pursue a degree in medicine- nursing, to be exact: a love for the field sowed from watching his grandmother selflessly caring and helping others.

He made the necessary applications to various schools and was accepted to all, which was fortunate; because once his father found out that he hadn’t applied for law like he was supposed to, the elder Smythe decided cut him off financially. _“If you want to make your own decisions, then by all means, you can pay for it on your own, too”_ his father had said indignantly.

And so, with the limited funds he managed to save when he still had access to his bank account and the meagre amount he acquired from selling his sedan, Sebastian could only afford to go to college if he stayed in Ohio- where the education was affordable and the cost of living exponentially lower compared to New York.

Come fall, Sebastian will be enrolling at Ohio State University in Columbus and Blaine will be all the way in New York- with 535 miles between them. It hurt to think about the distance but they both will be doing what they loved, what they’ve always dreamed of doing. He knew going to Columbus was the right thing to do, but there was a fear that the distance separating them would be too much- that they’d drift apart or they’d break under the weight of space dividing them.

“You’re doing the right thing.” Blaine continued to reassure him. It’s no surprise that his boyfriend read him so easily; Blaine was the only one who ever managed to demolish the walls he so carefully constructed around himself, his heart and saw the doubt ricocheting in his mind regarding his decision to go to Columbus instead of New York City. “I know coming to this decision wasn’t easy, but it _is_ the right one. And I’m so proud of you.”

Blaine’s loving conviction hushed all of Sebastian’s worries. Time and again, he was convinced there wasn’t any way he could love Blaine more than he already had, yet in that moment, Sebastian found himself falling deeper into that pleasant chasm-falling deeper in love with Blaine.

“What would I ever do without you, Blaine Anderson?” He confessed with all the sincerity he could muster. Blaine smiled warmly as he carefully closed the distance between them over the table to kiss him fervently.

As Sebastian melted into his boyfriend’s lips, he knew in his heart of hearts, despite the miles that will span between them, they will be alright. They loved each other with a passion and Sebastian will always choose to fight for Blaine- fight the distance: because the distance may be physically there, but not in their hearts, in their love.

He believed that to drift apart was something you allowed to happen when you chose not to fight the distance. And by god, will he fight; for them, for Blaine- always Blaine.

Yes, despite the miles between the two cities, they will be alright.

\--

The summer heat cooled as the crisp autumn breeze gusted all around them. Sebastian opted for early registration a few days before the madness of freshmen’s arrivals engulfed the campus and he had his new dorm room all to himself- and Blaine. They laid in bed, happily entangled in each other- savouring every moment. Every touch was deliberate; every kiss was slow- and everything was committed to memory. They spent the entire summer never leaving each other’s side; like they were storing each other’s presence to last them until the next time they saw one another again- which at that point was indefinite. The semester will be starting the following week and come morning, Blaine will be going back to Lima to pack up his life before heading out to New York City.

“I love you, Killer.” Sebastian whispered as his thumb gently traced Blaine’s lower lip.

Sebastian memorized the feel of Blaine’s weight on his body as his boyfriend rolled on top of him and revelled in the warmth.

“And I love you, baby.” Blaine breathed on his lips before pressing a tender kiss. Sebastian deepened the kiss and steadily etched promises unto Blaine’s lips, tongue- promises of _I will always be here_. Golden eyes looked down into his when they parted. “We’ll be okay.” Blaine smiled the smile meant just for Sebastian; the certainty resonated loudly in his words.

“Yeah. We’ll be okay.”

\--

Approximately 535 miles spanned between them; one pursuing a nursing degree in Columbus, Ohio whilst the other chased the musician’s dream at NYU’s Steinhardt.

The first few weeks were the hardest. After spending the summer together, Sebastian had gotten used to having Blaine around and now that they were in different cities, suddenly he felt incomplete; as if a part of him was missing. He missed Blaine so much that at times it was unbearable.

Technology did help ease the _missing_ , though. One tap of the Video Call button and the possessor of his heart would be on the screen- beaming that smile meant just for him. It wasn’t the same as having Blaine physically before him; to touch, to kiss, to just _be_ with. But it helped. A lot.

As they adjusted to their new lives over the following months, things started to get significantly more difficult. Their schedules started to get busier, the workload started to pile up. Soon, there were missed calls- voice and video, and they would go days without talking to one another. When they did talk, the frustration would get the better of them; and they’d argue.

They argued about not making time for each other. And they argued about how one should be more understanding of the other’s demanding schedules. And they argued. And argued. Most days Sebastian doesn’t even remember what they were arguing about, or why. He doesn’t remember how the arguments started but he knew damn well he can end it. And so he did.

The morning after another meaningless argument, Sebastian took out his phone and started documenting a 15-second apology video. He detailed how sorry he was for being an idiot, and all the things he would do to make it up to his boyfriend. Throughout the day, he recorded a series of 15-second videos and sent it to Blaine; he recorded the path of snow on his way to class (“ _This slush is going to ruin my shoes. Oh, there’s an ice patch. Better stay away from that_ ”), he recorded the lunch he bought at the cafeteria (“ _In honour of it being your favourite, I’m gonna have the tuna hoagie today_ ”), and he recorded his walk back to the dorms at sunset (“ _Look at that, babe. It’s so beautiful. God, Blaine, I miss you_ ”)- all the while narrating how much he wished Blaine was there with him.

Blaine called not long after Sebastian sent the video of the sunset, apologies rapidly wafting through the phone’s earpiece. They quickly vowed never to idiotically take their frustrations out on each other again, to learn to communicate their feelings better. Sebastian felt a weight set on by all the senseless arguments dissolve; they made it through the roughest patch of their long distance relationship yet, and they came out stronger.

The videos Sebastian recorded started out as an apology; a means to end a silly argument, but it soon became their _thing_. When their schedules got too hectic to have long, indulgent phone calls or video calls, Sebastian and Blaine would trade 15-second recordings of everything they thought the other would like or to share something _just because_. It became a way to remind one another “ _I’m here- always here; I miss you and I love you_ ”.

\--

Three and a half years passed and the 535 miles were still very much between them. Along the way, Sebastian and Blaine encountered new challenges in their long distance relationship.

One of the things that irked Sebastian most about being so far away from Blaine was all the moments that he missed in Blaine’s life, or things that happened in his life that he wasn’t able to share with Blaine immediately.

Sebastian would often get frustrated that he was unable to attend any of Blaine’s showcases in New York since all of his funds go into paying tuition and the tiny one-bedroom apartment he rented. As the boyfriend, he felt he should be in the front row at every event supporting Blaine; cheering him on, being the one that shouts _Encore_ the loudest when Blaine finished a set.

Sebastian feared his absence would disappoint Blaine, that Blaine would think him unsupportive, but Blaine understood Sebastian’s financial state and doesn’t hold it against him. However, with whatever extra funds he could spare, Sebastian commissioned one of Blaine’s friends to record those performances and put it up online so that he could enjoy it from 535 miles away.

Some days the distance overwhelmed him and a cloud of loneliness constantly hovered in his mind. Sebastian would come home to his apartment after a good day, brimming with excitement- but the emptiness that greeted him somewhat dampened the elation. The loneliness was worse when he came home to the empty space after a bad day; wanting nothing more than a hug that will never come.

Those were the days that Sebastian was tempted to give up, to look for what was _easy_ and seek comfort in the arms of someone who was _there_ in proximity, who wouldn’t be 535 miles away. But who was he kidding? Whatever reprieve he gained would be temporary, the loneliness would always be there or probably it would intensify by a tenfold- because those arms wouldn’t be Blaine’s; his Blaine. It would be easy, but it wouldn’t be right. No one would ever come close to Blaine.

After a particularly bad day, Sebastian slumped on the bed as he waited for sleep to take over and chase away the loneliness when his phone buzzed on the side table. He rolled over and reached for it, a smile curled on his lips when he saw that Blaine had sent him a 15-second video. A soft strum of guitar wafted through the phone’s speakers when Sebastian tapped play and Blaine sang:

_I can hear your heart on the radio beat  
They’re playing ‘Chasing Cars’ and I thought of us_

Blaine always knew just what Sebastian needed, exactly when he needed it. It wasn’t a hug after a long day that he so craved for; it was better. While the video might seem like a small gesture to some, it was monumental to Sebastian. All of Blaine’s love and tenderness and the reminder that he _was_ thinking about Sebastian reverberated in those 15 seconds and melted the interspaces between them; in those 15 seconds, they were closer than ever.

And so Sebastian held on to the comfort that the long distance relationship he and Blaine were currently in won’t last forever. It was selfish of Sebastian to think that he was alone in whatever he felt; the frustrations, the loneliness, the _miss_ \- Blaine felt them, too. Blaine was just as patient- and he worked just as hard as Sebastian when it came to their relationship. So, he stomped down the temptations and loneliness and focused on the impermanence of it all. All the patience and hard work of keeping their relationship alive were investments for the future- their future.

It’s true that over the years, Sebastian and Blaine encountered numerous challenges posed by the distance that tested their relationship- their love, but they always chose to fight the void, to fight for each other; and along the way they learned new things about each other, they grew together and after all was said and done, they always came out stronger.

\--

“What are you doing right now?” Blaine’s question travelled through the earpiece.

Sebastian took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand while the other loosely clutched the phone to his ear. He felt a slight onset of a headache creeping up his temples as he stared at the clock on the wall: 10pm. A sigh escaped his lips when he realized that he had lost track of the time. It was the week before exams for his final year and Sebastian had to cover the entire syllabus of ‘Leadership and Management of Nursing Practice’. He was oblivious to the minutes that trickled by from studying all day that he even forgot to shower.

“Same as what I was doing when we last spoke.”

Blaine had called in the morning to make sure that Sebastian hadn’t fallen asleep in the library again. He had been doing that a lot the past week and it was taking a toll on his health.

“Sebastian...” Blaine chastised. “Have you eaten at all?”

Upon hearing the question, Sebastian’s stomach rumbled. “I ate last night. Does that count?” He teased as he hoped it would eradicate some of Blaine’s worries.

An exasperated sigh drifted through the phone. “I’m ordering you a pizza now!”

Sebastian couldn’t help but smile. Even at 535 miles away, his boyfriend always took care of him. He was quite certain that Blaine had more take-out menus of restaurants in Columbus than he did. Whenever he got too busy with school, Blaine would order ahead and have it delivered to his apartment. The beauty of technology; not only did it bridge the distance between Ohio and New York, it gave Blaine a way to ensure Sebastian was eating right.

Rewarding himself with a break from studying, Sebastian stayed on the phone with Blaine and talked about everything from the new music Blaine was composing to the intubation technique Sebastian had learned.

Half an hour passed and there was a knock on the door.

“Hang on, the pizza’s here.” Sebastian said as he clenched the phone between his cheek and shoulder while he took out some cash from his wallet. “I hope you told them no olives.” A playful laugh escaped the phone and the sound pierced Sebastian’s heart with happiness; it sounded so close that he could feel the warmth of it.

Sebastian pulled the door open and froze. He barely registered the soft thump of his phone hitting the doormat.

There he was; the source of the laugh, the man who held his heart, the man who was his home. Blaine stood in the doorway with a box of pizza in one hand- his curls were loose, the black-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, a touch of scruff carpeted his jawline: he was beautiful.

“No olives.” Blaine repeated and smiled up at a stunned Sebastian.

There were so many questions Sebastian wanted to ask: _What are you doing here? When did you get here? How did you get here? Don’t you have finals next week?_

Instead, Sebastian surged forward and cupped both sides of Blaine’s face and captured his boyfriend’s lips hungrily. The miles were non-existent now. The world faded away. There was only Blaine.

Only Blaine, always Blaine.

\--

Sebastian pulled up in the driveway after working a double shift at the hospital. Exhaustion gnawed on his bones, his muscles. A light wind swirled in the late afternoon air as Sebastian sleepily walked up to his front door. When he opened the door, the pleasant sound of the violin wafted through the house and wrapped him in a _Welcome home_ embrace. A smile tugged at his lips as his feet carried him to the study where Blaine taught music lessons.

The exhaustion soon dissipated upon seeing his husband; a violin tucked under his chin, head cocked to the side as his fingers nimbly pressed the notes on the neck while his other hand gracefully glided the bow against the strings- engrossed in teaching one of his students. The sound it produced was magical. His student tried her best to emulate the notes but did not quite capture Blaine’s grace- yet. Sebastian could tell that she was making great progress; after all, Blaine was an exceptional teacher.

Sebastian leaned against the door frame and admired the sight of Blaine; his eyes traced his husband’s compact form, lingered on the flexing of muscles in his arms with every stroke of the bow, the glint in his hazel eyes that emanated a passion for music. When Blaine sensed Sebastian’s presence, he smiled that timeless smile meant just for Sebastian and added a cheeky wink- the notes of the violin never once faltered.

His heart swelled with pride and love. The man who he so proudly called his husband had patiently waited for him all those years ago while they both pursued the paths of their dreams in different states. Somehow, Blaine saw him worthy of his love and that he was worth the wait.

Sebastian reciprocated the wink by bringing a hand to his lips and blew a kiss in his husband’s direction. It may look like a normal blow-a-kiss to anyone else, but Blaine would understand better; it was a sign laden with gratitude. With that simple gesture, Sebastian knew Blaine would hear: _Thank you for waiting, thank you for loving me and thank you for being mine_.

\--END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> P/S: The song Blaine sang in the 15-second video was Ed Sheeran's "All of the Stars".


End file.
